In The Arms Of The Angels

Last year on this day we lost our baby Dominic. It was probably the hardest day of my life. The days and weeks and months following were as hard as well. It wasn't that I hadn't faced a loss before but after two other miscarriages at the beginning of the year (in February and May) we felt like we had crossed a magical point when we surpassed that 6 week mark and then the 8 and then getting to the 10 week mark. We had told the kids that they were going to get a new brother or sister. We had shared our news with our family and friends. The news had spread like wildfire at church as there are very few families in our Parish that have large families. The fact that we were adding yet another child was a source of happiness for most and rude gossip for others. Having to tell everyone that we had lost Dominic was so very hard.

I think one of the hardest things about losing the baby was the sadness that overcame my children. Our family is typically a very upbeat and extremely happy bunch. When we lost Dominic that changed for a little bit. The tears that my children cried made me so sad. It was hard to grieve when I knew the kids needed to see me going on and being happy, doing the things I always did and living the life we always had beforehand. While they saw me grieve they also needed me to be strong at the very time in my life that I just wanted to curl up and cry. I wanted to push the world away and just be alone. It took everything in me to be strong for them... to laugh, to play, to love, to live.

The one thing I relied on during that time was my faith. Those first days I had no idea how to pray. I was mad and sad and confused. How could I pray when I fet that way? But I did. I relied on the memorized prayers I had learned as a child. Saying those prayers that I had known all my life when my own words failed me kept me going. I also took comfort in Mary's arms as well. Knowing that she had suffered in a far worse way than I ever could imagine and that she still remained faithful to God, I knew that I would be ok as well. Still, it was hard. To be honest, there are days where it still is hard.

It's amazing how different things are now as compared to just a year ago. I was so fortunate that I was able to get pregnant shortly after my miscarriage and that this time I was able to carry to term. I look at Caroline and can't imagine our lives without her but there are still days where I cry for Dominic. I know that he wasn't mine to hold here but in another life, a far better one I'm certain, I'll hold him. He's waiting for us, watching over his brothers and sisters and so lucky to be already in Heaven. As I said just a year ago, being open to life is a hard way to live. It's being open to all of God's blessings with the knowledge that you may suffer loss as well. Still, I would never live my life any other way. God blesses me so richly and I could never turn away one of His gifts to me. Putting my trust and faith in God has given me more than I could ever have imagined.

We love you and miss you Dominic. We thank God for you every day and will one day hold you in our arms. But for now, stay safe in the arms of the angels that hold you until we are able to hold you ourselves.

What's For Supper?

Wow! This is an easy post to make! Much easier than coming up with unique menus each week. We try not to repeat things too many times but sometimes the kids request a favorite that we might have had recently. This week though is different than the preceeding weeks. We do always have a leftover night or day each week though.

If you ever see something you want a recipe for let me know and I'd be glad to post it!

Sunday: Chili and cornbread
Monday: Chicken and Dumplings, rolls
Tuesday: Ravioli, salad and garlic bread
Wednesday: Leftovers
Thursday: Vegetable soup and crackers
Friday: Chicken Cacciatore, Rice, Green beans
Saturday: Hamburgers, Baked beans, Potato salad

Sicklies

Most of the kids are sick right now including Caroline. It's been miserable the last few days. The kids picked up colds from someone. I'm sure with Sunday school starting up again and being exposed to all the extra germs we picked up something at church. Right now I'm stocked in kleenex, tylenol and cough meds. I'm praying I don't come down with it too... having it after they are all well and raring to go again is not fun. If I'm going to come down with something I prefer to get it first so my illness is out of the way. Hopefully this time I just avoid it altogether. Life has come to a halt for the time being. I'm looking forward to it starting up again!

The Olympics: Giving Your Children the World

As we sat glued to our television set on Friday August 8th my children didn’t realize that they were being schooled. After all, we weren’t watching a video on math or a history lesson on World War II or even watching Schoolhouse Rock. Instead we sat mesmerized by the opening ceremonies of the 29th Olympiads in Beijing, China.

You may ask just how were we homeschooling in front of our television that late at night. I can guarantee though we were not just sitting slack-jawed and glassy-eyed. We were deep in discussion about the amazing pageantry we were witnessing, the incredible history being portrayed through various artistic mediums and the political ramifications that these Olympics were having on the world. Yes, we were homeschooling but I never let on to my kids that they were doing schoolwork.... you can read the rest of my post over at The Homeschool Classroom

What's for Supper?

I thought I might start sharing what is on our menu for each week's supper. Most people wonder how hard/expensive it is to feed a large family. Most would be surprised at not only the ease but also how inexpensive it can be. To help out I normally do two weeks worth of menus (for all three meals) so that shopping on payday is much easier and much less expensive than going to the store several times in a two week period. It also helps us save a lot of money because there's not as much tempation to pick something up. When you have your menu planned out you feel less overwhelmed when it comes time to actually prepare the meals. We do try to budget in a meal out a month just so we feel like we're being rewarded for all our hard work throughout the month. We've been doing this for about two years now and it works great for our family. Most people don't understand the savings until they start preplanning all their meals. You'd be amazed at what you can and do save both in money and in time!

To be completely honest there is also one other benefit to doing this and then posting the menu on the refrigerator... no more constant nagging, "What's for supper?" All the kids know to just go look and see.

So here's my first edition of What's for Supper?

Sunday: Pork tenderloin, stuffing, peas, applesauce
Monday: Spaghetti and meat sauce, salad, garlic bread
Tuesday: Pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn
Wednesday: Leftovers
Thursday: Sloppy joes and tater tots
Friday: Meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, green beans
Saturday: Brats/hot dogs, sauerkraut, macaroni and cheese

Who Is A Healer?

As in most Catholic churches we have a big crucifix at the front of our sanctuary above the altar. It is beautiful. It shows the anguish and sadness in Christ’s eyes and body as he died upon the cross. It is a clear reminder of all that Jesus gave for our salvation. We have other beautiful reminders throughout the church but this one is the most beautiful and the most heart wrenching depiction of Christ that we have. As we kneel before the cross during Mass I often wonder what it would have been like to be at the foot of Christ while he hung dying for my sins, insuring a place for me in heaven. It’s almost too painful to think about!

Today as we sat in Mass for the Feast of the Blessed Assumption Ben gazed up at the crucifix. He pointed and whispered, “Jesus”. I whispered back, “Yes, that’s Jesus.” His face scrunched up some, he tilted his head and said, “Jesus, go to Carter’s”. I caught my breath. My sweet little Ben wanted to take Jesus to Dr. Carter, our pediatrician. How insightful for a 2 year old to see the wounds that Christ endured for us and his first reaction was to take him where he thought he could be healed. How profound such a simple sentence could be!

Those four words reminded me that while Jesus came here to heal us, to save us, we have the ability to do the same for others. When we see someone who needs our help our first reaction should be just like Ben’s, what can we do to help? Whom can we go to (like Dr. Carter) to help us when the problem is more than we know how to handle? What would Jesus do if he were in our place? Looking up at the crucifix it’s easy to know what he would do. He would give his life so that others (we) can be saved. Isn’t that what we should do as well? Jesus was a healer and when he healed us of our sins he gave us the opportunity and the ability to heal others as well. While we can't heal the same way Christ did and does we can heal emotions and hurts, disappointments and failures, injuries that are not only physical and emotional but spiritual as well. The question now is will we?

Butterflies!

I have butterflies in my stomach! I am going to be a contributing author for a new homeschooling blog. I'm so excited! I just emailed my first article and it should be published on Monday (which will be my regular publish day). I hope you will all take a few minutes to visit the website (even if you don't homeschool!) because there are some amazing writers that will be writing for the site. Click the big button below to take a short trip over to The Homeschooling Classroom!

The Side Effects of Colic

Ah, a baby with colic. I'm sure we are not the only parents to have have a colicky child. In fact, as people have asked me if Caroline is a good baby and I reply, "Uh, well, she is colicky" they often then tell me about their experiences with their colicky babies. To be honest I'm glad I'm not alone but don't really need hearing that I might be in for the long haul of a year of screaming. At this point I just don't think that I can handle thinking my house will be so loud for the next 11 months! Still, I know they are trying to help but sometimes a smile and a pat on the back would be fine.

I was thinking about the side effects of colic and decided to write about the not so known effects that those who've never gone through it might not think about. We all know that a colicky baby screams and cries a lot but what other things are affected by this mind numbing time in our life? I'm trying to give it a positive spin because quite frankly that's what's getting us through the day!

1. I have less hair now than when I gave birth. I know that your hair typically falls out after giving birth, one of those crazy things that happen to pregnant and post partum women. Your hair gets all luxurious when pregnant and then limp and dull and falls out when not. However, I've lost more now because I'm pulling it out. I'm not waiting for it to come out on it's own... I just yank because I need some sort of outlet! I'm speeding up the natural process so hopefully that wil mean we won't have tons of Michelle hair on everything for the next several months!

2. My carpets are extra clean! Caroline does like the vacuum so that leads to lots of vacumming. She's not so much a car baby unless there is someone in the backseat with her so at least we aren't wasting precious gas by having to drive her around. The vacuum is having to do.

3. My arms are getting toned. I'm carrying her around a lot and the pushing of the vacuum, well, leads to toned arms! Can't be upset about that!

4. It is great testimony to abstinence. Not for me but for our 15 year old daughter! She had decided that she does not need a baby any time soon and to avoid that ever happening the best thing to do is to not even consider having sex until she is much older and married! (thank you Colic!)

5. My husband has learned to appreciate me a bit more. He knows that when he's home and he's only heard about 5 minutes of screaming that it drives him batty. When he asks me how long she's been that way and I say "hours" he is more sympathetic to how my day has gone.

6. I've learned to take time outs more often. Many times I think I need to get things done and they have to be done now. With Caroline screaming and only wanting me it has forced me to stop and sit down (or walk or vacuum or bounce) and focus just on her needs, not everything else that needs to get done. Those things can and will wait. It has shown me that I can let things go and that they will still be waiting for me when things are more calm. I am turning off my brain for a while, not stressing on all those other things that just aren't as important as bonding and soothing my baby. It's hard for parents to turn off their brains and not worry about everything else but Caroline has made sure that I do that several times a day now!

So there are some positive aspects of colic. It's hard to see that sometimes but if I focus on those things then I won't focus on the fact that she is crying AGAIN and that she only wants ME and how tired my arms and back and head are. I can face the screaming yet another day and hope that tomorrow there will be less of it.

Show Me Ya Grill!

We had dentist appointments for all the kids this morning. My kids love going to the dentist. She is the greatest around. She's not a pediatric dentist, just a family one that loves our kids. The techs there are the best around too. They are always so sweet with the kids, never hurt them while cleaning and always interested in what is going on with them. They remember their names and where they fall in line at our house (not only age order but personalities, medical problems, etc). I suppose given the fact that we have so many children maybe we stick out a bit more and are a little more memorable but these ladies go far above the normal for our kids. I love them all. Even more importantly, the kids love them all.

The ladies in the office are equally as wonderful. They are interested in what's going on with our family and they all love to see the newest baby! They are always so friendly and polite (to everyone who comes through there) and I imagine they all know and appreciate how great it is to work there as they've all been there for so long! Our dentist has the best office around hands down.

The kids beg to go to the dentist. They see it marked on the calendar and then have a countdown till we get to go. I love that they are so enthusiastic about going. It makes it so much easier on everyone involved that they are willing participants! When we go they not only get super clean teeth but the kids walk away with a bag of goodies (a toothbrush, floss, toothpaste, hand sanitizer and a prize!) They love that bag of goodies and will walk around with it for hours when they get home! We have already written names on the new toothbrushes so that they know which one is their own. I know that by tonight someone will be crying that their toothbrush is already missing. I normally keep a stock of toothbrushes just for these occasions but hopefully I won't have to break them out quite yet! I'm praying they keep hold of these ones a little longer than normal. It'll be a long six months of whining when can we go back to the dentist if we don't keep hold of the toothbrushes they got today (even if I replace them with store ones... those just aren't the same!)

So, for another six months we are good. Out of the six kids who were seen (Ben doesn't go yet and obviously Caroline has no teeth) we didn't have a single cavity! I can count on one hand the number of cavities they've had all combined. I'm hoping that it remains that way. Great teeth are a blessing to have. Mike and I both have pretty good teeth and hopefully each of the kids will continue to be as blessed.

Having a great dentist and great techs are so important to keeping the kids motivated to brush and take care of their teeth. They are very proud of their shiny, white teeth and when prompted and many times when not, they love to show you their grills! :)

Snakes!

For Christmas Mike's aunt got us a subscription to Netflix. We already had Blockbuster online so we waited for a while before turning in that subscription. With Blockbuster we had 3 movies out at a time plus we could turn them in at the store for a free movie rental. Needless-to-say we had seen almost every movie out at the time! We were starting to rent older movies that we loved when we were younger, exposing our kids to some of the greats... Pretty In Pink, Ferris Buller's Day Off, etc. I finally cancelled our Blockbuster account when I realized that we just weren't watching movies as much anymore. I turned in the Netflix subscription and we've been getting a few movies through them. But, we still haven't rented many.

Today we got two new movies in the mail. I was at a loss as to what to get as we've seen just about everything so I rented one that we've seen already but that the kids loved (Evan Almighty) and then another that I thought Mike might like. Tonight Garrett asked if we could watch "that snake movie". I was confused to what he was talking about. He said, "You know that movie we got in the mail? The snake one? It's about a python." I started to laugh. That snake movie he was talking about? Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He assumed with python in the title it was about snakes. Little did he know what a classic he was getting ready to watch!

Mike, Kaylie, Garrett and I watched it. I think it's a new favorite for the kids. I had forgotten how silly it was and we all laughed a lot. I imagine we'll be quoting lines from the movie for a quite a while ( I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! ) What was most fun was watching it with the kids when they've never seen it before and just hearing them laugh and laugh. It's definitely a classic and I'm so glad I had run out of new movies to rent!