Mrs. Butterworth... A Kid's Best Friend

At our house we go through a lot of syrup. We used to use a store brand of syrup until one day I got smart and bought syrup in bulk at Sam's Club. They carry Mrs. Butterworth's so that is the kind we now use religiously.

When I first brought it home the kids were so excited except for the fact that the jugs you get at Sam's are huge and very cumbersome. They couldn't pour from them very well at all. I ended up having to go to Walmart and buy a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's so that we would have something to refill with the jugs of syrup. I suppose I could have bought any kind at all but there is just something about that bottle shaped like a woman that just calls for little kids to have her. So, I bought Mrs. Butterworth and brought her home.

All of the kids were thrilled beyond belief. It's funny how they had memorized the commercials for her even though they don't air very often. They knew she was supposed to talk and of course the youngest wanted to know when she would start. After explaining that she isn't real but on the commercials they make her seem that way they understood, although were disappointed. Still, they were happy to have Mrs. Butterworth in our cabinet.

On several occasions, including today, I have found one or more of the kids playing with Mrs. Butterworth. They pull her out of the cabinet and hold conversations with her. They build houses out of toys on the kitchen table and bring in Barbies to interact with the plastic lady. They particularly love when I fill her back up and she is all brown again. Something about a full Mrs. Butterworth just makes them happy. Today I just sat back and listened without interrupting their conversations with her. They told her how pretty she was. They told her how much they loved her and they told her they knew she liked her home in our pantry. Whether or not she responded I don't know but they seemed content enough.

It's funny the things our kids decide to play with. I love seeing their imaginations come alive. I love when they find things to do without my help. Mostly I love to see them having fun and being creative. It's one of the perks of my job as a mother. I get to witness these moments all day long. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Just a Reminder...

to continue to check out The Homeschool Classroom. It has great info on homeschooling and ideas to keep you on track and not bored! I post most Sundays but sometimes that gets changed around a bit. It's worth the click... go see what all the hubbub is about!

Touching the Hand of God

On Monday I wrote about how long and hard our road has been lately. It has been. I've tried not to feel sorry for myself. To keep going like I always do. It's been hard but I've managed to keep most of it to myself and not let it affect everyone around me. After I wrote that post I felt a sense of relief to share it and to get the weight off my own shoulders. I felt better although still hurting, still so tired and still feeling overwhelmed.

On Tuesday I had a regular ob appointment where I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time without having to resort to an ultrasound. The baby has been difficult and has been stubborn but this time we were able to find him/her and listen to that little heart just beating away. It was such a relief to hear. The baby's health has been one of the big stressors lately and it was nice to at least have a little reassurance that he/she is ok for now. I was reminded that we'll know more next week but for now that tiny thub-thub would hold me through.

After my appointment I needed to run by the store to get milk and wrapping paper for Bella's birthday (which was yesterday). As I pulled up to the stop light I notice a very weathered and weary old man. He held a sign in his hands, his eyes were focused on the ground and I could see that he was cold. I read his sign... "Veteran- homeless and traveling. Can you help?" Of course I didn't know his circumstances and have no idea whether what his sign read was true but I could see that he was definitely in need of assistance. I knew that I didn't have much to spare, afterall it's been a long hard road for us too. Still as I got into my wallet I found a bit of extra money to spare for him. As the light changed and my car approached him I lowered my window and held out my hand. I called to him and he looked up at me. My car crept along and he walked briskly to me. As I pressed the bill into his cold, wrinkly hand I almost cried. He said thank you and smiled at me. I whispered, "God bless you" and drove off.

As I neared the store I fought back the tears that I knew wanted to fall down my cheeks. Here I was complaining of a long hard road and yet this man had no home. He had very little clothes. He was standing in the cold begging for help. I thought about the things I have... I have a home. We've been cold this winter because of a broken heater but it's been recently fixed so we are warm again. I've had others I can rely on to help us if we need it. I've had to ask but I've never been reduced to begging for help. How can I look at the road we've been on and say it's been long and hard? Surely I don't know what long and hard truly is! There are so many others who are in positions that I can't even imagine being in. I pray for God to lift those people up and help them in whatever way is best.

I sat in my car for a few minutes composing myself. I brushed the tears off my cheeks and got out of my car. I could still feel the old man's hand in mine. I wondered if maybe that feeling was actually God's hand touching mine. I know that he is always holding me in his hands but I never imagined what they might feel like. I'm sure that they are weathered and worn but soft and gentle at the same time. I'm sure they felt like the man whom I had just touched. If I could only tell him how much he had just touched my life.

The Long Hard Road

Lately the road I have been on has seemed to be all uphill. We are facing some big changes in our lives and have had some worries about my pregnancy. Add to that the fact that we have been sick... we've fought mono in several of the kids, colds and stomach bugs (but not the flu!) and on top of it I've been fighting a Lupus flare, well it's just not been that fun around here. It's just about done me in. It's all I can do to get up and actually function through the day.

I think being pregnant has made the flare a lot worse. Some pregnancies are easier and some are harder. This one has been very hard on me. I keep waiting for that day when I wake up and am full of energy again. Most of the time after about week 12 I just wake up one morning and suddenly feel myself again. The morning sickness is gone and that overwhelming fatigue has vanished as well. Thankfully I haven't dealt with morning sickness other than a bit of queasiness but the fatigue, well, I'm so ready to be over it. If it were normal pregnancy fatigue I think it would be gone by now. I am over 15 weeks pregnant so I know it is not typical for me.

Besides the fatigue my joints have been hurting My breast bone and where my ribs attach are killing me. There are some days I can barely catch a breath because the pain is so bad. The muscle twitches aren't too bad but my eyes burning and drying out are driving me crazy. Thankfully it seems my hair loss has slowed down some. A small positive in what seems like a sea of negativity.

I'm tired of feeling bad but know that in the end the result will be so worth the pain I am going through now. I don't know why some of the kids affect me much more than the others but I can say those that did are typically my more "lively" children! We keep joking that this is going to be our boy "Bella". Bella is my craziest child and the one that gave me the hardest time while pregnant. I was on bedrest from 27 weeks on and almost lost her on a couple occasions. She was my hardest delivery and has kept me on my toes since she was born. I wouldn't trade her for the world but really, one Bella is more than enough! I'm not sure how I'll handle another just like her. LOL

I keep trying to look on the upside but there are times when it's almost impossible. When we have some more answers to all the questions that are going on now I'll write about them and maybe it will show what kind of stress we've been under here. It has made it difficult to find that silver lining that I know has to be there. That lining that I always find in every situation. I am just focusing on holding my little one in June or July and that is getting me through all the painful and long days.

It's hard to even truly write about what having a disease like Lupus does to you physically, mentally and emotionally. It seems that no matter what I write it never fully describes my feelings. I hate that right now my kids are suffering because I am suffering. I'm giving them my all but I feel like it's not enough. I hate that even though I'm so sick that life can't stand still. It has to go on, I have to do the things that need to get done and I have to keep going. I don't want to but I have to. I'm not one to ask for help very often and right now I've found myself saying "I can't do this", "I'm sorry, I just can't help", "Do you mind helping me?" It's hard for me to do and yet because I know my kids need me I have to do it. It makes me feel like a failure of sorts but I know in my heart that everyone needs help sometimes.

So, I'm still on that long hard road. Taking tiny steps so that I won't fall and trying to just focus on going forward. I can't wait till the road levels out some and maybe isn't so rocky. It would be nice to be on a road that is flat and stable and had beautiful scenery. I understand that the rough roads help us appreciate the easier ones and I can't wait until I get to that road, even if it is just for a short stretch. It will be a pleasant change. One I'm ready for.