On Growing Up

Today Emma came to me and said, "Mama, I think I must really be growing up." When I asked why she thought that she said, "Well, you know, I just don't like to be dirty anymore. I really like taking showers everyday now". I guess when you are little it's cool to be muddy and dirty. When you are big it's not so much fun!

As I giggled I told her that indeed she must be growing up. I'm hoping we get to avoid that nagging stage where I have to constantly remind her to shower. It happened with the other 3 older ones. I don't think it's that they liked to be dirty but I think they just didn't want to take the time to be clean. Thankfully that stage only lasted a short period before they decided it was nicer to be clean and it really didn't take much of their time to get that way. It would be nice to just avoid that stage altogether with Emma.

While I'm not ready for her to be grown up yet but I am happy she sees the value in being clean! It's funny how even in growing up we take tiny baby steps to get there. She's just started taking more of those steps towards being a "big girl".

Updating on Madison

Early this week we finally got Madison's biopsy report in. She does NOT have Hirschsprung's disease! That is such a huge relief. It means we won't have to have another surgery and she'll keep all her intestines. I was worried about putting her under for the surgery and about the healing time. I'm so happy we won't have to go through that!

She has pooped on her own twice now since the biopsy. That is great news. She struggles to poop but at least she's trying and getting some out. We are hoping that all she needed was some time for her body to figure things out and start to work on it's own. The doctor told us that often times after having the barium enema and/or biopsies done that it helps kick the baby's body into action and stimulates those muscles that might not be working right. Hopefully that is the case with Madison. It sure would be nice to be done worrying about it!

Madison also has severe reflux so we are constantly cleaning up puke. It's a wonder that she showed an increase in weight this last time we had her weighed! But she did show growth and that is encouraging too. She wasn't up to birth weight yet (at a month old) but she is close. I'd venture to say she probably is now.

She is such a wonderful baby. It's nice to say that about our baby after the struggles we had with Caroline and colic (read about the positive effects of colic by clicking on that link!). I hated when people would ask me if Caroline was a good baby I'd always have to reply, "Um, not so much". It made me feel like I was failing as a mother. I know I wasn't but it still felt that way. She was just so difficult and it took everything in us to get through those months of screaming. Madison on the otherhand is so laid back and so calm. She is such a sweet, cuddly baby. I am enjoying every second of her! I'm praying she continues to have this wonderful disposition.

We are hoping that all will be calm now and we won't face any other problems. I think poor Madison deserves some easy times now. She struggled so much before birth and spent her first month struggling. We are ready for some calm and some quiet times. I'm praying her body is healing and she'll not have to struggle anymore.

Thank you for the prayers. They mean a lot to us! We are trying to settle into our new normal here. All the kids have adjusted to having a new sibling and every single one of them (including Caroline!) love her. Not a single one has shown any signs of jealousy. We worried with Caroline being so young yet but she's done beautifully and loves to love on her baby sister. It melts my heart!

We are truly blessed.

Trouble?

We think Caroline might have a personality like Bella's. That little grin is awfully cute but very naughty too. What do you think? Do you think we might be in for some trouble from this one? I think that soon I'll have a lot to write about what Caroline is in to and how Bella is helping her. Double trouble...

You Know It's A Good Day When...

you've been waiting for weeks for your baby to poop on her own and she finally does it! You would think that none of the other kids had ever seen poop before as they were crowded around me while I changed her diaper. They all needed to see that she really did go. They cheered and clapped and were just as happy as I was!

No test results yet from her biopsy but I'm so glad that she pooped on her own that I can wait it out through the weekend. God blessed me with a bit more patience when I changed that diaper today.

A Little Awkward

Today I had a doctor's appointment and I took Savannah and Madison with me. While in the waiting room a nurse was trying to entertain a little boy. His mother was in her appointment and I guess he was having trouble being good while she was checked out. The nurse volunteered to keep him busy. It was nice of her.

She noticed me sitting there holding Madison and she asked me how old she was. I told her that she'd be 4 weeks tomorrow. She oohed and ahhed over her and said she was beautiful. She then turned to Savannah who was sitting next to me and asked her how old she was. Savannah said, "I'm 10, going to be 11 next month." The nurse then told her how pretty she was and how much she liked Savannah's shirt.

The nurse then turned to me and said, "Wow! She's just so beautiful. She's all curvy and tall and she already has her boobies!"

Uh, what? Did you just comment on my almost 11 year old's boobies? It was a little awkward to say the least. Savannah isn't advanced in her development nor is she behind. She's right on target but to have a 50 some odd year old woman talk about her breasts was a little disconcerting.

When I was getting ready to go and checking out the nurse came up to me again and said, "Your daughter really is beautiful. I just can't believe her tatas are coming in already. It just amazes me how girls develop these days." I just smiled and said, "You're right." and left.

This was the first time I had ever met this woman. I think she might have had some boundary issues. What an awkward situation.

Waiting...

Sometimes the hardest part of having something physically wrong with you is the waiting you do. You wait to get diagnosed. You wait to figure out what the treatment will be. You wait for the treatment to start working. You wait to start feeling better. The waiting is a hard aspect of illness.

Right now we are waiting for Madison's biopsy results to get back. On Monday she had tissue taken from her intestines in several places to check for Hirschsprung's Disease. As of Monday she had only pooped 1 time since passing meconium after being born. That's a long time to go without pooping.

At her barium enema test/xrays she ended up exploding out the barium (and poop) in a telltale sign of Hirschsprung's (often poop will come out with amazing force when the rectum is stimulated). At the xrays they found a spot where her intestines were blocked and not functioning right. The biopsies on Monday are supposed to tell us if we are dealing with Hirschsprung's or not. If the tests are positive we will do another surgery to remove the diseased intestines. If the tests are negative we will be back to square one, trying to figure out what is going on and what we can do to help.

Right now we just wait. I hate waiting. It leaves you too much time to come up with all the worst case senerios. I have a very active imagination and can think up some pretty bad things. I don't think any of them will happen to be what's wrong but late at night you can really get yourself to worrying.



Of course when I look at this little face I'd wait eons to figure out how best to help her. The waiting has helped me cherish each moment I have had so far with Madison. I love holding her. I love just watching her. I love that God gave her to me. I only hope that in all this waiting we will find out how best to help her and to make her well. She's such a wonderful baby already. We've been very blessed.

I guess waiting can be good. I keep telling myself that anyway. It definitely can build character and help you learn patience. I'm trying to be patient and trying to remember that things come in God's time and that is always a much better schedule than I have planned out. It's hard to remember sometimes though. I suppose during that time I'm waiting I can remind myself of that over and over again.

We are praying for test results that show things can be fixed. I trust that God is in control and that in the end things will be just how they are supposed to be. Now if I could just be more patient while I wait...

Quote of the Day

was said by Ben today as he was running through the kitchen while pulling up his britches that were falling down:

"Hey Mama, can yews see mine crack?"

Yes I could. I think the boy needs a belt and quite possibly some underwear.

Biopsy Scheduled

We have Madison's biopsy scheduled for Monday at Scottish Rite Hospital in Atlanta. Please keep her in your prayers. We hope to find what's going on and to be honest I pray it is Hirschsprung's so we can fix it and move on. I don't want to be back at square one if it's not. As much as I don't want to go through another surgery if it is HD I know that in the end that will be easier on her than going through a whole bunch of testing trying to figure out what it is. The not knowing and the hemming and hawing is so hard on all of us. To get a firm diagnosis and actually have a plan of action is much better in the end.

We are praying for steady hands for the surgeon, calm hearts for us and complete healing for Madison.

Only Bella

I wonder how many posts I could start that way? Only Bella has been a saying of mine for almost 6 1/2 years now! She has kept us on our toes since she was born and I often just have to shake my head and walk away from her. Sometimes she boggles my mind, other times she just makes us laugh and laugh.

Today I had to run out to town to pay a couple bills. When I was gone I got a phone call from a friend. I almost never talk on the phone while in the car since I think it's dangerous but since I was so close to getting home I decided to talk. I pulled into the driveway and continued my conversation without getting out of the car. I figured it was quiet in the car and would be loud in the house so I would just finish the call without going in. Pretty soon though the kids realized I was sitting out in the driveway and they started to come out to see what I was doing. They realized I was on the phone so they went back in. Bella and Ben kept coming out and asking me things and I would shoo them off to go back in. Soon though Bella decided she really needed my attention.

I looked up and out the window and Bella was standing there crying, "tears" running down her cheeks. I started to laugh and said, "Bella, please go inside."

"But Garrett stepped on my foot and hurt me!" she said.

I listened to her fake crying and looked at the bubbly spit she had put on her cheeks to make it look like tears and said, "Bella, please go in and wipe the spit off your face and I'll be inside in a moment."

Bella laughed and said, "Hey, how'd you know I wasn't really crying?"

The bubbles within the spit that were put in long lines down her face gave me the best clue. She told me that Garrett really did hurt her foot though. I told my friend I had to go and got out of the car.

Only Bella would think that her spit would pass as tears. Still, it got me out of the car and into the house. Clever for sure, sanitary... probably not.

Update

We go for a surgical consult tomorrow morning for Madison. We'll know more of what they plan to do then. Thank you for your prayers!

Preparing for Surgery

Since being born Madison has had some health issues. Because of the Spina Bifida we weren't overly concerned when she started having problems with her bowels. We knew this was a possiblity. However we weren't prepared for her to stop pooping after only 2 days of life.

Madison passed her first meconium at the hospital and then again at home. From that point on she stopped having bowel movements. We assumed this was ok at first because many breastfed babies only poop once or twice a week with no problems. Because I started supplementing with formula (hyperallergenic) we figured maybe she was getting constipated from the formula (although with hyperallergenic this is rare). Still, we just waited and watched.

We weren't overly concerned at first with her losing weight either. Most newborns lose weight at first but normally by 2 weeks old they have either regained their loss or are starting to regain some weight. Madison is doing neither. She has failed to gain any weight back and while she started out at 8 pounds 2 oz she is currently at 6 lbs 15 oz.

Yesterday we were sent to Egleston Children's hospital to have a barium enema done. The pediatrician wanted to rule out Madison having an intestinal block. Unfortunately instead of ruling out the block we confirmed that she does have one. The test was miserable for her (and me!) and her results are pointing towards her having Hirschsprung's Disease. We are now waiting on the hospital to call us to schedule surgery for her to take biopsies of her intestines to check for the disease.

In the next day or two we will have surgery done and hopefully have her intestines working. I'm not so worried about the actual diagnosis of Hirschsprung's as I am about her being put to sleep for surgery. She's just so tiny and delicate. I worry about the "what ifs" of the surgery. I know we can handle any kind of medical problem but I don't think I could handle if something happens to her in surgery. I know how hard it was to hand over my older toddlers or kids to a surgeon but to give them my brand new baby, I don't know how I'll do that! Just the thought of it brings me to tears.

Hopefully we will hear from the surgeon in the next hour or so. The doctor wanted to have the surgery done as soon as possible and we are talking about having it done today or tomorrow. I'm praying for tomorrow so I can get the other kids settled. I'm not sure if they find that the nerves are missing if they will do the pull through to fix the intestines right away or if we will have to wait for a second surgery. I know that the initia biopsy should be an out patient surgery but I don't know about the surgery to actually fix her intestines (if she needs a second surgery). We'll have to wait and see I guess.

If you could keep Madison in your prayers as well as our family we'd appreciate it. I hope to be able to update soon. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It's been such a long journey through the pregnancy and now this. All those positive thoughts and wonderful prayers have helped carry us through!

One Day She Will Thank Me

Garrett's future wife that is...

Yesterday I got out all of my non-maternity clothes again. All my pregnancy clothes are too big and I needed something to wear. I sorted through all my clothes and got rid of some that I didn't realize were so raggedy. I packed up the maternity wear and had Garrett take it to the garage for me. It was nice to be able to do that. I was tired of wearing only the same 4 or 5 outfits all the time. Seems my belly grew so much during pregnancy, especially towards the end with all that fluid, that most of my maternity clothes no longer fit.

I've been fortunate so far that all my pregnancy weight has slipped off. I'm currently 7 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm probably going to jinx my weight loss by talking about it but I'm just so happy to be in regular clothes. Which brings me to my post today.

After showering and putting on normal clothes I came out of my room and into the living room. Garrett was sitting on the couch playing his Gameboy. He looked up at me and said, "Wow! You just look so skinny! I'm so used to you being pregnant. You look so good!"

Have I raised that boy right or what? I grinned at him and said thank you. Now, keep in mind that I have a lot of weight to lose still but just that one small compliment will take me a long way. I plan on trying my hardest to continue my weight loss and am so ready to have my body back but I know it's going to be a journey, a long hard one at that! Still, if Garrett keeps saying sweet things like that it will make it so much easier for me.

Garrett changes diapers, he washes clothes, he does the dishes, he vacuums, he wipes little people hineys, he rubs feet, he asks if you need anything AND he compliments you on your weight loss... yes, Mrs. Garrett Wife, one day you'll thank me. He is an amazing boy and will be an even more amazing husband and father one day. He's a keeper!

Amazing

The song that is playing is called "Amazing" by Janelle. I just love it. I've had this page open and have been listening to it over and over again. I'm sure the kids are wondering why but the song just pulls at my heartstrings and it sums up how I feel about not only Madison, but all my kids. I am constantly amazed by them and by the love that I feel for them.

People often ask how I can give enough love and attention to all my kids. I always wonder how they can ask that question. I sometimes ask them that if they have more than one child did their love for the one become divided or did it multiply when they had their second child. Obviously the answer is that your love multiplies! I always tell people that when God gives you another child He also fills your heart with even more love. I'm not sure how it's possible but I promise it's exactly what happens.

As I look at Madison I am so overwhelmed by the love I have for her. It's amazing to me that each and every child we have does this to me. What's even better though, is that with each child we add I also see how my other children grow in love as well. God not only fills my heart with more love, but He fills theirs as well! How truly wonderful is that?! I love to see the kids kissing their baby sister, wanting to hold her and just watching her with awe. Everything she does is magical to them. What's more is that their facination doesn't end there. They still coo over and love on Caroline just as much! Their love just melts my heart!

The words to this song just sum up my heart and soul... I am so amazed that we are continually blessed with life. I would go to the ends of the earth for my children and I hope they will always know that everything I do is for them.

Quote of the Week

The quote of the last week was said by Ben. When they came to the hospital to see me, Ben climbed up in my lap while I was holding Madison. Someone lifted Caroline up to me as well. Ben patted Madison and said to Caroline:

"Carowine, dis is your new best fwend."

Talk about melting a mama's heart. If anything, that one line was worth all the labor pains in the world!

Madison Elaine

On Friday, June 26, 09, after a long 24 hours in the hospital, Madison Elaine joined our family! Born at 3:53 pm and weighing in at 8 pounds 2 oz and measuring 19 1/2 inches long, she became the newest angel to bless our hearts.

Labor was difficult as the doctor and midwife did not want me to have a vbac (vaginal birth after c-section) although I had already had a previous vbac. They kept insisting that I do the c-section. They decided that instead of helping me through the process they would wait on my body to do everything naturally. After laboring through the night Thursday and part of the morning Friday they again tried to persuade me to have the c-section. I refused and told them I would rather go home. Of course with a woman in active labor and already 6 cm dilated they didn't want that. They agreed to do things the way I was suggesting (give me an epidural, break my water, and see how things went). Madison's head descended perfectly when they broke my water and my body took over. When all was said and done my birth went exactly the way I had said it would. I was thrilled that they finally listened to me and I didn't have to have an unnecessary c-section. It's amazing to me that the doctor and midwife wouldn't listen to a woman who had done this 8 other times! While I appreciate and respect their experience I would think they would do the same for me.

Madison has full function of her legs and our doctor believes she will have slight to no problems with the Spina Bifida. We are truly blessed. Her siblings love her so much already and are constantly bickering about who has held her the most. She is beautiful and looks just like her siblings. All our children have a "look" to them that makes them distinctly ours. They can't deny each other because they all look so much alike! Madison is no different.

We are in love with her so much and feel so very blessed to add her to our family. Thank you so much for all your support and your prayers along the way. I know that made such a difference in getting her here so safe and sound. I feel so lucky that I am able to have children and that little Madison is mine. I can't kiss her or hold her or stare at her enough. It's funny to think that all those emotions you have with your first are just as strong when you get to your 9th child. My heart feels overwhelmed by the love I have for her. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that she is indeed finally here and is ours.

It has been such an amazing journey and I'm so very blessed to have traveled it so many times.