The Circle of Life

Today is the four year anniversary of losing Dominic. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the first pregnancy loss that we had ever shared with anyone else. All our other loses we suffered in silence and never gave an indication of what we were going through. With Dominic it was different. We had shared our news with everyone that we were expecting again. We had received both congratulations and raised eyebrows with the usual comments about being crazy for being open to life. As our first very public loss it was difficult to go through. I was broken in every sense of the word. Being able to get pregnant with Caroline so soon after helped heal some of those holes in my heart but not completely.

Today I presented a Spiritual Adoption program to our parish. The program is designed so that each member can spiritually "adopt" an unborn baby who is at risk for being aborted. You name your baby and select a due date (one about 9 months from now). It is a way to hopefully save the lives of babies who are in danger. It's amazing to me that when we were planning out when we would start the program that this date was chosen. I did not do the choosing. While I am the head of the Right to Life group I left this particular detail up to the person in charge of the calendar. I told them I would like to start sometime this month but was open to any day. When I was told when it would be I almost cried. How very perfect on the anniversary of my son going to heaven that we would start such an important program.

I had to present our program to each Mass. In our church we have both Saturday and Sunday Masses. There are both English and Spanish Masses on each day. I presented to all 5 Masses even though I don't speak Spanish! Our priest did the talking for me, I understood enough to know when to nod in agreement (since I wrote up the presentation!) and when to smile and when to frown (did you know 3700 children die every day due to abortion?). It was quite the experience! I felt overwhelmed and so grateful all at the same time.

In addition to presenting to the Masses I was blessed to get to attend to "healing services" within both of the Spanish Masses. What a beautiful gift I was given on a weekend where I was so sad about the loss of our children. To be annointed with oils and prayed over (for physical and spiritual healing) was exactly what I needed this weekend. I know for whatever reason God has planned for me, He called me to this ministry. I can only hope that I do it justice!

This weekend marked 4 years from the time I sat in disbelief that our son was gone. Here I prayed so hard for the Lord to let me keep him and yet every day thousands upon thousands of women choose to abort their children. While I can't assume to know their hearts or reasons why I do believe that in the end the majority of those women mourn the loss of their children too. I'm sure their hearts cry out as mine does for my lost children. They remember the day their child was lost and wonder about what life would be like if their child had lived. While I can't change their decisions I can pray for their hearts to be changed and for them to help change the hearts of other women who are considering abortion.

I pray for my children every day. I think of them constantly and I wonder what life would have been like had I been able to keep them here beside me. My heart aches at the each and every loss we've had. Recently a friend of mine encouraged me to name all the children we had ever lost (no one had ever told me I could name the babies of early losses!) and so we did. It had brought such peace to my heart to know that all my children have names and that I can pray for them by name. Part of the Spiritual Adoption program is naming the child you wish to pray for. I encourage all mothers who have ever lost a child whether through abortion, miscarriage or still birth to name their children. It will help bring closure and peace to your heart. Pray for your child by name and know that you have a saint in heaven who can pray for you as well.

Sweet Dominic, I love you more than I can say. My heart aches for you every day and I know that God blessed me when he chose me to be your mother. I wish I could have held you within me for longer but the time I had with you was precious. I know you wait for us in heaven with your brothers and sisters and that brings me tremendous peace. You belong to the Lord but you are forever in my heart.