If you've read here for long you know I've occasionally posted stories from the "front lines". I can distinctly remember writing about the time my husband radared a military helicopter and immediately regretted it. I wrote about the time I went to his office for lunch and he made sure I cleaned the table off really well because they had just finished inventorying some drugs they had seized. It was particularly hard to write about a meth lab they had busted and how Mike was so affected by it because they found that the people had put a baby, about the age of Anna at the time, in a dog cage to keep her out of the way. Also hard was writing about the time I received a phone call from one of the other officers telling me not to worry but they were on the way to the hospital with Mike after he was stung over 100 times by yellow jackets while out on a bust. There have been many funny stories, but there have been many sad or scary ones as well.
As a police officer's wife I have always known that there is a chance that when Mike and I say goodbye for the day/night, he may not come home to me. Of course there is this chance with everyone, but, when you work in the field that he does you are upping those chances. I've had many people ask me how I deal with that grim reality. I tell them that every day when he leaves I tell him I love him and to be careful. Then, when the door closes, I give that worry to God. If I didn't I wouldn't be able to function. There are times when it's harder than normal to do that... if I know he's going on a particularly hard bust, if they are going to be laying in the woods undercover with the risk of being caught, if they are doing a buy with someone new. I say more prayers those days but I still hand it over to God.
Mike encountered something the other day that really made me rethink all he does. I often think of the times that are hardest for him as the ones where he takes kids out of homes during a bust, or when he is in a lot of danger. But this week he did something that in the end was probably one of the hardest things he's ever done and yet he was in no danger at all.
While at the GBI headquarters he was doing a tour with a couple of the newer guys. He had taken them down to have their new ids made. As part of the tour they went down to the morgue and witnessed a few autopsies going on. While this isn't particularly hard for him to view anymore it still is disturbing. But while there, standing behind the glass watching, he noticed one of the people working on something very small. He said at first he thought it was the organ of one of the people on the other gurneys. As he looked closer and started to say, "What is she doing over there?" he realized that she was working on a baby. His heart stood still.
With all we've been through and all the worries we have now with this pregnancy it was so hard for him to see this baby laying motionless on the table. He said it was hard to be in that room. I know it affected him even more than he told me and it breaks my heart for him. He most often doesn't bring any of his work home with him. He never divulges confidential material or even most of time what they are doing or where. The information he gives me is bare minimum. They are required to keep that kind of stuff to themselves. This, however, was different. It wasn't confidential and it was something that rattled him so much he needed to share it with me. He couldn't keep it bottled up.
I think about all the things my husband does for others. Many times those that he is protecting and serving don't care one way or another how his job affects him. They have no idea what he sees on a daily basis or what he's exposed to and how hard it is as a father, a husband, a son, a friend, to take that in day in and day out. I know though and it is amazing how much he and others like him deal with both physically and emotionally. I know I couldn't do it. It takes someone very special to continue to see the things he does and still want to serve.
I am so proud of Mike. He is amazing. I know that the other day seeing that baby hurt his heart so very much and yet he got up the next day and went right back to work eager to protect and serve. He encompasses honor and valor and hope. I love him more than I can say. I wish I could take some of those hurts from him. I wish he didn't have to be exposed to so many of these things. I'm happy he's willing to do the job that I know I could never do. He is my hero.
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