Harmony

Last year, when Garrett made his Confirmation I was one of the chaparones when he went on his retreat prior to his Confirmation. At the end of the retreat we each took a rock and wrote what was holding us back from having the relationship we are wanting with not only God but with each other. Afterward we threw that rock, and whatever was holding us back, into the lake, ridding us of that obstacle. Finally, we reached in a bag and withdrew another rock that was smooth and had a single word engraved into it.

To be honest I don't remember what I wrote on my rock that was holding me back. I guess when I threw it away I truly released it. However, when I pulled my new rock out of the bag I was a little disappointed. Supposedly this would be the area of our lives that we needed to concentrate on and work towards doing better at. When I reached in I pulled out a rock with the word "harmony" engraved on it. I wanted family or love or something of that nature. I remember thinking about why I might have pulled out the word harmony. I thought about my life, about my relationships, not just with my immediate family but with my extended family and with friends. When I really thought about it I knew that harmony was the place I needed the most work.

It used to be that I was the peacemaker in my family and within my circle of friends. Over the last 8-9 years though I become disheartened when people didn't want peace, they wanted to fight, they wanted to believe the worst about people, they wanted to hurt others. I found myself becoming hurt and feeling bad a lot of the time. I made the decision that I was done with that. I was done with people walking on me, taking me for granted, hurting me over and over again and getting away with it. I took it on myself to protect me and my family. I grew a hard shell around my heart. I stopped trying so hard to be the peacemaker.

What I found was that my life had less harmony in it. Those people who were acting so mean and cruel were still mean and cruel. Those people who took advantage of me still tried to do just that. Those people who wanted to hurt others still hurt others. The difference though was now there wasn't someone willing to help bring peace and harmony to all those hurting. On top of that I was still getting hurt and then feeling worse that I didn't do anything to stop the hurting of others.

I didn't tell anyone what I pulled from that bag. I just held onto it and decided to pray about it. When we went to Kansas City in July of last year Kaylie found a jewelry set in my inlaws basement. She asked my mother-in-law if she could have it. My mother-in-law said she could. She brought it to me and said she found something that she wanted me to have. The set had a beautiful jade colored necklace inside with an inspirational rock that said "harmony" on it. She said she didn't know why but when she saw it she thought of me. Talk about being hit over the head with a 2X4!

I told her the story of me pulling out a rock with the word harmony on it and that this seemed to me to be my wake up call that God was indeed telling me that I needed to really work towards harmony once again in all areas of my life.

So why am I thinking of this now? Well, there is some disharmony in my life and it's really bothering me. It has to do with one of my sisters and a very bad choice I believe she is making. I have talked to her about it and have since been "put in my place". It would be one thing if I hadn't been asked for my opinion but I was and so I gave her my truthful answer. It's not that I am against her but I am for peace and unity within her family and I know she won't achieve it through the means she is going about it. I have no idea what to do now. I want harmony. I don't want her to hurt but I also want what's best for her and because I am away from the situation I can see things perhaps she doesn't, or perhaps she doesn't want to see. I am not the only person to give her the advice I have given but I am the one she has cut off.

Harmony is hard to come by. It seems the harder you work for it the harder it is to come by sometimes. It's frustrating. My prayer for today is that I don't have to work towards harmony on my own. That those around me work towards it too, especially those I love.