Last week, via the Catholic Sistas website I announced my pregnancy. The title of the article was "No Greater Love Than This". You can click the link if you'd like to read it. At the same time I sent an email to many family and friends telling them that I am pregnant and why we have decided that even despite the risks to the baby and myself, we feel that we must go on with this pregnancy. I also linked it to my Facebook page and to our church Facebook page. I wanted as many people to be praying for us as possible. I had many sweet people tell me that they are indeed keeping us in prayer and will continue to do so. I had many people also not say a word... people that I truly believed would at least tell us they were praying for us.
We are constantly being told that our family is amazing. We are told that people just can't imagine how we do it and have children who are so well behaved, polite, kind, and giving. With that thought in mind I wonder why more people who know our family intimately, especially family and very close friends, have not congratulated us or even told us that they are keeping us in thought and prayer. It hurts my feelings. I'm not expecting people to understand our beliefs on going ahead with the pregnancy, especially in light of the danger involved, but once that decision is made a simple, "we're praying for you" can go a long way to help us feel not so alone.
On my way home from church yesterday it was all I could do not to break down and cry. Normally after Mass we have lots of people who say hello to us as we are leaving. Yesterday we had two people acknowledge us. Is it just that people don't know what to say? I was just looking for a smile and a "hi" but got eyes turned from me or stares and then nothing said to me. I get that there are going to be people not happy for us. I understand that people are worried about my health and about the baby. I know they worry about me leaving 10 children without a mother. Surely they know, especially those who received my email stating the fact, that *I* am worried about those things! It's not that we are just throwing caution to the wind, we're not! We are doing everything in our power to keep both our baby and myself safe. We are worried far more than anyone can imagine. The people who don't know what to say to us because they are concerned about me... I wish I could shout at them, "Imagine what WE are going through!" But I don't. I sit quietly and hurt alone.
It doesn't matter to me if you agree with our decision or not. It's our decision and we've chosen life. I would never choose any other direction to go in so it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. People who know me know that this is the only decision we could make. I don't regret for a moment that decision. I wish I knew what it would take to get people to acknowledge this elephant in the room. I feel like I did when I lost William. No one wanted to address that either. It was right at Christmas, everyone was busy with their own families, and no one knew how to talk to me about another loss, this time so traumatic, and an event that would change my life forever. I am in a similar situation where what is happening in our life is equally as life-changing and equally as important to us.
I don't know where to go from here. This cross is so heavy and hard to bear. I have a tremendous support system through online friends but what about the support here? I feel so very alone. I have no idea why God gives us the crosses that He does. I'm trying to bear it with hope, trust, and joy but sometimes that's so hard to do. I don't want people to fawn over me. I don't want to be bombarded with questions. I don't want people to think I'm a saint. All I want is to know that if I need help that it will be there. I need to know that if I ask for prayers that there are faithful people praying for us. I need to know that if the worst should happen that my community will rally around my family and help them through the worst pain they will have experienced so far. I don't feel hopeful that this will happen, not if people can't even acknowledge that I am pregnant and that I have asked for their prayers and help. The elephant in the room is huge but unfortunately it's something that people are choosing to ignore. My hope is that after they've taken time to process all of this that they will indeed address me about this pregnancy, if only to say I have their prayers. That will be enough for me. That will help make this cross a little lighter to carry.
9 comments:
I'm so sorry people are treating you and your fmaily so poorly. I wish I could see you so I could give you a hug whenever you are feeling down. Prayers always!!
I am sorry as well. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy *hugs*
First of all, and most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS! I just saw this in my Google reader and had to read the name of the blog twice before I realized it really is you.
(hugs)
You are an amazing woman. I will DEFINITELY be keeping you and your precious new baby in my prayers.
Oh, Michelle. I've been praying for you since you made that request several weeks ago. I'm sorry that what should be a most joyous occasion is causing you so much stress and sorrow. I promise to keep you, the baby, and the rest of your family close to my heart and daily in my prayers.
I'm so sorry you feel alone and shunned, it is not right and you deserve better. I so wish I could give you a big hug and we could get all our kids together. I'M PRAYING FOR YOU and for your sweet babies, all of them!
In nearly 40 years, I've learned two important things about people: most are incapable of properly handling those who suffer and most are inherently selfish. (including myself in that last category) Suffering souls make us painfully uncomfortable, either because they make us feel helpless or because we don't want to somehow "catch" their bad fortune. Maybe seeing another person, a good and otherwise holy person even, suffering, reminds us that it could happen to us, too. Suffering also challenges us to give of ourselves...it makes demands of us that people don't want to meet. By either ignoring the person who's suffering or dismissing their suffering altogether or as insignificant, the person doesn't have to give of themselves to comfort or help that person. It's such an ugly, ugly thing, but there's a reason Our Lord told the parable of the Good Samaritan. It's easy to focus on the Samaritan that stopped and responded lovingly, but two of the three of the people--IOW, most--of the people who passed by the suffering man did nothing.
I've often thought about the people who undoubtedly stood along the sides as Jesus carried his cross through the streets of Jerusalem...faces unmoved by plain suffering. And I don't understand it. I don't understand why anyone would withhold prayer or a hug or just a word of kindness to someone like you, who is so clearly in need of their support. I can only say that I fear for them, because each time I've been selfishly judgmental, Our Lord has humbled me and I thank him for it.
Michelle, this is the road to Calvary--lined with a few loving and supportive souls, but thronged, too, with the fearful, the judgmental, the hard-hearted. I marvel that people don't think we need a Savior, when I see how we treat each other. I pray that those in your life can hear the plea in these writings of yours for some loving kindness. In the meantime, unite your sufferings with Our Lord's and with the Blessed Mother--who undoubtedly knows what it is like to be condemned unjustly for being pregnant and in service to new life.
Michelle, I stumbled upon your blog when I was looking for something completely different but I found myself reading your latest entries and immediately liked you. You have made some brave choices in life and you clearly adore your family. I really hope this pregnancy goes well for you and next year you'll be holding a gorgeous healthy baby in your arms. Take care, won't you. Tracy (Wales, UK)
Oh Michelle you know I don't pray.. but I am thinking of you, and wish I could give you a big hug.
Whatever decision you've made, its now up to us as friends to back you up and be there for you. So I'm getting out the pom poms and putting on the short skirt and practicing my cheers. Bear in mind I'm English so I've not done this cheerleading lark before.,.. but I did ok for Jammie... Go Michelle and Go Tiddler...
Eat well, rest lots and stop worrying about what others think. HUGS
I won't pretend I'm not nervous for you, but I certainly have you and your baby in my prayers. I don't want you to suffer any more hurt or loss, but you are one brave mother. Take that courage and apply it to the naysayers in your life and know that there are people who genuinely care.
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